Quarter Life Crisis
Sorry for my lack of "actual content" in my posts lately. The month of February was fairly insane for us here at Production Support Services. I've been busy as hell here at work which is where I do most of my posting (on my breaks of course).
Starting on February 1st, we had a weeks worth of setup, rehearsals, and taping for the East Village Opera Company
out of New York at KETC Channel 9's studios. They're a pretty cool sounding opera company that performs actual opera but with rock and roll instrumentation. Think Queen meets Verdi. We designed all the staging and lighting as well as provided some live sound reinforcement for the two shows they performed in the studio for an audience of about 150 people. Both shows were filmed and will air on Channel Nine's pledge drive the evening of March 11th.
The same weekend (2/3 - 2/5) we were installing staging and lighting for two different companies at the St. Louis Boat and Sports Show. We built a custom fit stage for Meridian Yachts
that entirely surrounded one of their Yachts, the 408 series I believe
. This way people could actually get up and walk around and see all the elements of the yacht instead of just looking at the outside of it from ground level. For the SeaRay
company, we installed several pretty good sized lighting rigs to illuminate all of their boats. They were the only such company to have their merchandise well lit and looking good at the show.
The Monday following that weekend we began prepping an event for one of our best clients, DiamondCluster International
. They are a Technology & Business Solutions consultation firm for some of the biggest companies in the world. Think: Goldman- Sachs
, US Department of Justice
, All State
, Ford Motor Company
, the US Navy
, Marriott Hotels
, John Deere
, etc. We were working on their quarterly meeting called "The All Hands Meeting" in Chicago. A fairly large scale business meeting for their employees and a chance for some of their clients to demonstrate ideas that have been implemented over the past few months. Some of the best shows we do are for Diamond. About four times a year they host an event called the DiamondExchange
for senior executives "that explore the intersection of business and technology for one reason: to help member companies exploit disruptive change." These conferences are held at some of the nicest resorts in some of the neatest locations in the country. For example, The Four Seasons Aviara
in San Diego; The Sanctuary
in Kiawah Island, SC; The Ritz Carlton
in Naples, FL; The Boulders Resort
in Carefree, AZ, and The Inn at Spanish Bay
in Pebble Beach, CA.
At any rate, DiamondCluster does some really cool stuff. While that show was away with half my gear and crew up in Chi-town, the boys who remained behind here began working on revamping some miniature golf elements for Tower Tee golf course. Just some basic maintenance, repair, and painting on some of the pieces for the mini-golf course. Later that week was the St. Louis Advertising and Marketing Awards which was a two day event. A fairly simple show, but still ate up man power and equipment.
Of course last weekend was Mardi Gras so we spent part of our week prepping for a big Bacardi
event down in Soulard
. We constructed a faux building facade using scaffolding and high resolution vinyl banners printed to look like a Bourbon Street bar with a balcony on the second story that the Bacardi Girls could actually walk out onto and throw beads and show off their boobies. I'll post a picture if I can find one.
Today we're in the midst of some shows for Unigroup
, the parent company of United Van Lines & Mayflower Transit. It's a big convention down at Americas Center
that we had to construct an original set for. Hopefully I can get some pictures of that too.
So in conclusion, the insanity here at work combined with the "car issue" has kept me more than busy for the last few weeks. Now that things are slowing down a bit, I'll hopefully have the resolution of the car story up here in just a few days.
Also coming soon...
Look for my "Best of 2005" music wrap up. I'll start working on putting those Cd's together soon too. For those of you who didn't get a best of '04 set yet let me know and I'll print another batch.
For Wealthy Drunks Only
Don't Sleep With Those Guys
Watch this hilarous PSA
about "Those Guys".
Pictures, Movies, and Games
Here's the rest of my attempt to save your email in-boxes...
How to raise morale at work...
I got a snake...
(Click the picture to read)SNL Terrorist Watch List
(Hilarious Movie File)The Ketchup Effect
(Movie Link)Sheep Game
2006 Cubs Promotional Schedule
I thought this one deserved it's own post...
2006 Chicago Cubs Promotional Schedule
April 7: Home Opener and raising of the "Attendance Flag" to commemorate the magical 2005 season in which the Cubs were a bigger draw than any of their hated rivals. Not being raised: World Series Champions flag.
April 8: Presentation of the "Nice Neighborhood" rings to members of the 2005 squad in commemoration of their capturing of the city's heart by playing in such a cute little part of town. Not being presented: World Series Champions rings.
April 9: Home Opener Weekend festivities conclude with the Cardinals completing a sweep of the Cubs at Wrigley.
April 24: Win a Mark Prior autographed picture! 100 lucky fans will receive a 5 x 7" photo signed by the Cubs' 11-game winner!
April 25: Turn Back the Clock I with throwback jerseys, old-timey music and special guests and relive the magic of the Cubs' epic loss to the Florida Marlins in the 2003 NLCS.
May 13: Turn Back the Clock II with authentic 1984 uniforms jerseys and an even-more-authentic loss to the 1984 NLCS champion San Diego Padres.
May 14: Precious Moments figurine doll to the first 10,000 female fans*.
June 15: Kerry Wood bobblehead day. The first 10,000 fans will receive a bobblehead doll of the Northsiders' all-time leader in simulated strikeouts!
June 16: Turn Back the Clock III - Kick off a rematch of the Cubs' most recent World Series appearance as they welcome the Detroit Tigers and try to beat them for the first time since 1945.
June 30: Crosstown Amnesty Day - All managers and first 25 players on the White Sox active roster will receive a complimentary win.
July 1: Turn Back the Clock IV - 1906 World Series rematch. Authentic memorabilia will be given out to lucky Cub fans, as will an authentic 1906-style massacre of their lovable losers.
July 2: Lovable Loser Day - First 15,000 losers get to fall in love with the Cubs even more as they are handed yet another staggering loss at home by yet another area team that has built something more substantial than their own ticket-scalping empire**.
July 14: Harry Caray Day, featuring an all-star tribute to the late and beloved former White Sox and Cardinals announcer.
August 1: Nine Games Back Day - First 10,000 fans in attendance to correctly explain what "Nine Games Back" means receive a Cubs t-shirt***.
August 19: Playoff Day. Come out and root for the Cubs as they stand on the brink of elimination against the Cardinals with forty-one games still left to play in the season. First 20,000 fans wearing Cubs gear receive a White Sox t-shirt.
September 2: Turn Back the Clock V - Cubs fans, come out and party like it's 1989 in this showdown against the 1989 NLCS champion San Francisco Giants!
October 1: Final Home Game / Wait 'Til Next Year Day - First 39,538 fans are idiots.
(*) This one's real, believe it or not. Precious Moments? Come on.
(**) Wrigley Field Premium Ticketing Services, 3717 N. Clark St.
(***) Contest runs through the end of the 2006 season. Okay, 2007 season.
Jokes, Lists, Satire, and other BS
Every few months or so, after building up an extraordinary amount of funny (or not so funny) email forwards, I like to send out one mass email containing all the good stuff I've come across over that period of time. This; A) helps to not clog peoples email boxes with unwanted clutter, and B) condenses all hilarity in to one easy to read email.
I've taken things a step further this time and decided just to post it all on the old blog here. Just doing my part not to piss people off and keep Americas collective In-box clean. So here's all the text stuff. Movies, Games, Links, and funny pictures to follow.
Top Ten reasons why Men prefer guns over Women:
#10.You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.
#3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....
#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN
Mall Parking Lot Scam
I am a victim of the latest scam which is happening in shopping mall parking lots. Two good looking young women come to your car as you are parking. One starts wiping your windshield with a rag and the other comes to your window and bends over so far her breasts just about fall out of her blouse. While you're distracted, the other one lets herself in the backseat and then they both start begging you for a ride home.
Be very wary, because as soon as you start driving, one of them will take off her shirt and rub her breasts on you while the other climbs over the seat and unzips your pants. This is when they steal your wallet. I was robbed last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, but I couldn't find them on Saturday or Sunday.
You've been warned! Be careful!
The Tazer Incident
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting ! back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat; but, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? The foot part of the recliner, which was lying on its side, was bent and twisted. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocaine, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I'm still looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
An American is having breakfast, in Paris, one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"
American (in a bad mood): "Of course."
Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.
The American listens in silence.
The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"
American: "Of Course."
Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).
"We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to the states."
After a moment of silence, The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"
Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.
American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."
American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France."
THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY CHILDREN
A GUY GOES TO A SUPERMARKET AND NOTICES A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE WAVE AT HIM AND SAY HELLO. HE'S RATHER TAKEN BACK, BECAUSE HE CAN'T PLACE WHERE HE KNOWS HER FROM.
SO HE SAYS "DO YOU KNOW ME?". TO WHICH SHE REPLIES "I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY CHILDREN."
NOW HE THINKS BACK TO THE ONLY TIME HE HAS EVER BEEN UNFAITHFUL AND SAYS "MY GOD, ARE YOU THE STRIPPER FROM MY BACHELOR PARTY THAT I LAID ON THE POOL TABLE WITH ALL MY BUDDIES WATCHING, WHILE YOUR PARTNER WHIPPED MY ASS WITH WET CELERY AND THEN STUCK A CARROT UP MY BUTT?".
SHE SAID "NO, I'M YOUR SON'S MATH TEACHER"
A young girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"
"Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No Honey, it's because you're 24."
Go West Young Man
American Cities That Best Fit You:
60% San Diego
60% San Francisco
55% Las Vegas
You scored as Chaotic Good.
A Chaotic Good person is someone who has little intrinsic respect for laws or authority, seeing them as insufficient to sustain what's right. These people work according to their own moral compass which, while good, is not necessarily always aligned with that of society. Despite their chaotic tendancies, these people are good at heart.
What is your Alignment?
created with QuizFarm.com
14 Years Too Late
|You Passed 8th Grade Science|
Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!
|Your Brain's Pattern|
Structured and organized, you have a knack for thinking clearly.
You are very logical - and you don't let your thoughts get polluted with emotions.
And while your thoughts are pretty serious, they're anything from boring.
It's minds like yours that have built the great cities of the world!
A Little Something... for Now
It's been a crazy week. Here's a quick post to tide everyone over until I've got the time and the energy to actually write something.
BLUES are motivated by INTIMACY, seek opportunities to genuinely connect with others, and need to be appreciated. They do everything with quality and are devoted and loyal friends and employers/employees. Whatever or whomever they commit to are their sole (and soul)focus. They love to serve and will give freely of themselves in order to nurture others lives.
BLUES, however, do need to be understood. They have distinct preferences and occasionally the somewhat controlling (but always fair)personality of a confident leader. Their code of ethics is remarkably strong and they expect others to live honest, committed lives as well. They enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation as well as remembering special life events (i.e., birthdays and anniversaries). BLUES are dependable, thoughtful, nurturing, and can also be self-righteous, a bit worry-prone, and emotionally intense. They are like sainted pit-bulls who never let go of something once they are committed. When you deal with a BLUE, be sincere, make an effort to truly understand them, and truly appreciate them. What Color Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
Car Trouble (Part 2)
So, yesterday I awoke around 8 AM to the sounds of mass hysteria and anger from my mom and brother coming from the upstairs. I thought someone might have broken or spilled something so I lazily rolled over and tried to go back to sleep for a few minutes. However, the panicked sounds continued and I heard the front door open and shut several times. So I decided to jump out of bed and see what the hell was the matter. I yelled upstairs to my brother and asked what was wrong. He replied in a somber voice of disbelief, "Dude, you're not gonna believe it... someone hit your car... again."
My response was an expected, "Are you fucking kidding me!". For those of you who don't know, on January 31, 1999 at around 9 AM (I remember because it was the Sunday after the Pope was here) my 1996 Honda Accord car was hit while parked in front of my house and came within $1000 dollars of being totalled. Now on January 30, 2006 at 8 AM (almost 7 years to the day and hour!) my car was struck while parked in front of my house AGAIN!. It looks too be about the same amount of damage too, relatively speaking.
Other strange coincidences: the car was struck in the exact same spot on the pavement, the car was hit at the same point on the car, the car was moved approximately the same distance both times, the drivers were both males under the age of 20 that attend (or attended) Parkway South, both cars were white sedans, both drivers broke their front axle and were unable to leave the scene, both cars flattened their passenger-side front tire, both mornings were extremely sunny and almost the same time of day.
Back to the story...
I've gathered by now that my brother is serious and my car once again has been hit WHILE FUCKING PARKED!! I'm far too pissed to go outside for fear I would beat the fucking shit out of this kid. So I hit the shower to wake up and settle down a bit.
By the time I was out of the shower, the police officer (who happened to be a "supreme dick" as my bro stated) had already come to file the report and had left. BTW, this guy wrote down the color of my car as "RED" and when called on it said, "Oh, I guess I wasn't paying attention." Hey officer what color was the guy who robbed the bank? "Uhh, I think.. uh, he musta been black." Top notch police work Matlock.
Here's the kid's apparent explanation as to why he hit my PARKED car:
He didn't scrape all the frost off his window and was going about 37 in a 25. Fucking lame dude. You put me out and caused thousands of dollars damage to my car cause your late ass was too lazy to scrape your window and not speed in a school zone?!? Punk-ass-bitch!
After his mommy and daddy showed up to take care of things for him and his car was towed from the scene, I was dressed and ready to survey the damage. Most of the rear drivers side of my car is gone all the way up to the gas tank. It now resides in my trashcan in my garage. The rest of that is smashed into the trunk a bit. There are dents and a huge scrape all the rest of the way down my drivers side up to the mirror. The right rear wheel has been bent inward which probably indicates serious axle damage. That's most of it. The rest is shit like the trunk being deformed, and I'm sure my back door on that side won't close properly.
Obviously it's not drive-able and still sits in front of my house right now due to the fact that insurance companies are slow to do anything that doesn't involve them receiving money. By my reckoning, I should have had a damn rental car at my door in 30 minutes after the accident. It's 33 hours later and I've heard no word on a rental car yet. If I don't have one by the morning, I'll be taking a limo to work tomorrow and sending them the fucking bill.
So for the record, since January of 1999 the following have happened to my car, none of which were really my fault:- January 1999: car hit while parked, first time - October 2000: hit a deer that ran right in front of my car - December 2000: a deer actually ran into my drivers window - December 2002: woman in an SUV turns left on a green yield in front of me, I have a green straight arrow and the right of way, I T-Bone her and dent her door, my Accord is totalled... the day after Christmas. - April 2004: I'm sideswiped by a drunk driver at 3:00 AM on the highway. Dents and scrapes are a result. I call in the LP # and they catch him down the highway. He is an illegal immigrant from Mexico with no license or insurance. - December 2004: My car is broken into while parked at work late at night, all my Cd's most of my Christmas presents (including unspent gift cards) were stolen along with several other expensive possessions... Oh this was on Christmas eve too. I missed the deadline for the insurance paperwork and received no compensation for any of this. They were not going to cover the $4000 of Cd's that were stolen anyway. - January 2006: See above
I think I'm gonna just buy a fuckin bike.
I'll update as more developments, information, or pictures become available.