GIRLS NIGHT OUT

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk & walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said," These girl nights have got to stop!

I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said:

From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.


FART FOOTBALL

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the husband passes gas and says, "Seven Points.".

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?".

The husband replied, "It's fart football.".

A few minutes later, his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score.".

After about five minutes, the husband lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.".

Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score.".

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal...I lead 17 to 14.".

Now the pressure is on the husband.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, "What the hell was that?".

The husband says, "Halftime...switch sides."

Labels: funny, jokes

- these thoughts flowed through Jeff's fingers @ 12:04 PM