Here's all the stuff I need to get off my chest, rant about, praise a little, offend you with, or otherwise make available for everyone to read.

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News & Weather
Logic & Reasoning
Funny Shit
Previous Posts


Quarter Life Crisis

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Fun With a Red Button

Check out this timewaster when you get a minute... or 10.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

My Conversation With Jabberwacky

The following is the transcript of my first conversation with Jabberywacky, an online AI program. Not, quite robot of the future material yet.

Jabberwacky: Who am I talking to?
User: Jeff.
Jabberwacky: Really?
User: Yes, Indeed my name is Jeff.
Jabberwacky: What is your name?
User: Jeff.
Jabberwacky: How are you?
User: I'm doing quite well.
Jabberwacky: How is the weather there?
User: Fairly chilly, but the sun is shining.
Jabberwacky: Yes, I love when the sun is shining!!!
User: Me too!!
Jabberwacky: You love me?
User: Uhh, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Jabberwacky: Hahaha.. You're funny!
User: So I've been told.
Jabberwacky: Repeatedly, I'm sure.
User: How did you know?
Jabberwacky: I'm not sure that I did...
User: Good guess then.
Jabberwacky: We live in different timezones, I guess.
User: I suppose so. Where do you reside?
Jabberwacky: You should know that.
User: I should? Do you live on the internet?
Jabberwacky: Pretty much. Do you?
User: I try not to spend to much time there.
Jabberwacky: No you should try to be funny.
User: I thought I was being funny.
Jabberwacky: You are.
User: Do you repeat yourself often?
Jabberwacky: Yeah, very much so.
User: I can see that now.
Jabberwacky: Right now? Ayuh. Yes, it makes sense to me too.
User: It should you're the one saying it.
Jabberwacky: You make very little sense.
User: But you just told me that it does make sense to you.
Jabberwacky: Can you repeat that?
User: But you just told me that it does make sense to you.
Jabberwacky: Don't turn around the facts my friend!
User: Hey, don't threaten me!
Jabberwacky: I don't play well with others.
User: Obviously not.
Jabberwacky: Yeah, it is mostly an ocean.
User: Huh?
Jabberwacky: Looks who's the smart one now!
User: I bow to your superior intelligence.
Jabberwacky: Good, you should.
User: Whatever bitch.
Jabberwacky: Yes whatever.
User: Look who's the bitch now!
Jabberwacky: I know thankyou!
User: You're welcome bitch.

John Mayer Trio - Try!

By the way, in case any of you out there are interested, John Mayer released his first CD with his new blues band today. It's a live disc called "Try!". I heard it today on AOL's listening party. Damned good shit. It's got a nice cover of Jimi Hendrix's, "Wait Until Tomorrow" on there (where he achieves a guitar sound very similar to the master) as well as reworked blues versions of "Somethings Missing" and "Daughters". Everything else is new material (which sounds very similar to Stevie-Ray Vaughn) due to arrive on a studio album in the spring.

One odd side note. The AOL CD listening party which let's you hear the whole album streaming to your computer did not include the track for which the album is named; "Try!". Could it be that good?

You guys withough AOHell can listen here at Rawk On!

Funny Toons

In case you hadn't visited Tucker Max lately, like Chris said, he's back writing some funny shit again. While reading one of his new stories, I stumbled onto a new link he had posted. Coloring-book Land. Visit the site (make sure your sound is on for full hilarious effect) and hit play where it's indicated on the main page. Very funny. Somewhat warped and highly offensive, but very funny. Not work safe by the way.

The 170 Mark

Ouch! It hurts to look at the scale these days. After a weekend of indulging in rich morsels of food and drinking myself silly in honor of my dad's 50th birthday, I finally tipped the scales Monday morning at a whopping 171.5 pounds. That's probably right around or still below what most of my friends weigh. Only problem is that I'm 5'6" tall and they're all 5'9" or taller. Looks like I'll be searching the yellow pages under "fitness" after the holidays are over with.

Worst Beats First?

The Blues beat The Red Wings 3-2 on Saturday night. Any other year that statement wouldn't cause for much more than a mild celebration. However, Detroit is in first place in the NHL. The Blues are in last place in the NHL. And this win came at Joe Louis arena in Detroit. We hadn't beaten the Wings in 8 straight meetings. And I don't think we've won Detroit for at least a few years. Just weird that our crappy Blues finally put a hurt on the Wings in their own house. That's two wins in a row. We go for three tonight against the Kings.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Baseball Trivia Answers

Here are the answers to my baseball trivia post:

1. What is the minimum amount of pitches a starting pitcher can throw, pitch the whole game, and record the win?

Answer: Liam is correct. The answer is 15 outs. That would be one pitch outs (ground out, or pop out) to each batter faced through 5 innings. Then the game would need to be called on account of rain. After 5 innings the game is considered complete.

2. How many different ways are there for a batter to reach first base? (Hint: This question is very debatable, but think of it from the perspective of the how you would write it in the score book.)

Answer: As I said this is highly debatable. Since no one even attempted to answer, I'll give my best explanation.

I had heard this trivia question before (actually while attending a game with the L-train during a rain delay) and we decided the answer was 8. These are fairly simple:

1. Base hit
2. Base on Balls
3. Hit by Pitch
4. Fielders Choice
5. Error
6. Dropped Third Strike
7. Interference
8. Illegal Pitch

With the exception of #8 those are all fairly common knowledge. I actually saw #8 occur while attending a game in 2004 where the Cards were playing the Pirates. Reggie Sanders had a 3 ball count and the pitcher balked with no one on base. The ball never left his hand, so no pitch was thrown. Yet they awarded Reggie first base on an "illegal pitch".

Since 8 was all we could collectively come up with, I decided to investigate further. There was no real clarification on the matter. There's a good discussion going on here about the potential possibilities on how a batter can reach first. Some people have up to 25 ways to reach first.

Most of those are a real stretch. Some people take an umbrella term like "Interference" and break it down further and list each one. Example: catchers int, umpire int, fan int, base runner int. Or another example is: dropped third strike, pass ball, wild pitch. Some people differentiate between a standard walk and an intentional walk. Some even go as far as to rule home runs and ground rule doubles as different ways to reach since the ball actually travels out of play.

If you are interested check out the discussion and see how many you think are actually valid ways to reach 1st.

The Great Flood of '05

In case anyone hasn't heard the embarrassing yet fairly humorous story of my misadventures last week, here goes...

My family left town for Chicago last Wednesday night (11/9) and I followed my normal routine of heading over to The Billy Goat for some dinner, drinks, and a round of Golden Tee. After putting down a six pack at The Goat, I headed home pretty beat and thought about going straight to bed. But I knew that I would have the house to myself and didn't want to waste such an opportunity, so I headed to QT to grab another 6 pack.

I spent the rest of the night drinking a brew here and there, snacking on morsels of leftovers that I had found in the fridge, and watching various crap on TV until I finally settled into a movie.

Before I knew it the movie was over and the six-pack was gone. I was indeed tired by then seeing as how it was already 3 am. I was in serious need of a shower before bed though. So I headed downstairs to get clean.

I hit the shower and immediately sunk to the floor, just tired of standing. I just wanted to relax for a bit and let the warm water calm me. I've been known to sit in the shower and relax for an extended period of time, but what happened next has never happened before.

At about 3:45 am I awoke in the floor of the shower with icy cold water hitting my back. Oops! I had fallen asleep in the shower. Time to get out and head to bed. My first foot hit the bathroom floor with a light "splash". SHIT!! I had somehow flooded the bathroom. Ahhh, the cross section of drain marks on my ass cheek told the story. At some point during my slumber I shifted just right to cover the entire drain with my ass. Hence the water on the floor.

I cleaned up 90% of the mess in the bathroom and headed to bed. To my dismay my first step onto the carpet felt extremely chilly... and wet. NO WAY!! I had let the water run long enough to overflow the bathroom floor and onto the carpet too! Oh but it wasn't just outside the door, it was at the base of the stairs, down the hall, and all the way to my bedroom. NOT GOOD!

I started soaking up the majority of the water using dirty towels, got it to a point where I thought things were better off, and headed to bed. After all, it was about 4:30 am by now and I had to work in the morning.

Unfortunately I had long days at work both Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. So most of my cleanup during those days revolved around swapping saturated towels with dry ones, setting heavy boxes on the towels to help soak up the standing water and then of course doing multiple loads of towels in the wash.

Saturday night by the time I got home from work around midnight. The house had developed the unpleasant sour smell of mildew. That is definitely not good. Mildew is a bitch to get rid of and extremely unhealthy. Luckily my mom had just bought a steam cleaner. So I spent the rest of my Saturday night devirginizing the steam cleaner. Hopefully that was going to do the trick.

Not quite. The carpet was still more than moist on Sunday. So after doing the towel/box trick one last time, I broke out the fans, heaters and dehumidifier. Finally after a few days of this, I think I finally quashed the mildew and removed all moisture from the carpet. A lot of work for a stupid mistake. At least it makes for good blog content though.

Superman Returns

In case anyone is interested, they've released the first teaser trailer for the new Superman Returns movie slated for release this coming summer.

You can also check out the films official site here.

Finally Finished

Remember that big project I was working on back in the spring? My "Best of 2004" CD collection? Well, it's finally done. Completed. Whew!

What happened is that since we have this CD duplicator here at work that not only automatically duplicates up to 50 CD's at a time, but also prints artwork on the disc and you can title all the tracks and so forth. Pretty neat piece of gear. Unfortunately, earlier this summer, our server crashed. Right when I was finishing up the original project. So basically I lost all of my data on the project.

I was determined to follow through and get it done though. So it is. If you guys out there are still interested in it, leave me a comment. Or if you don't live in town, send me an email with your mailing address and I'll mail it too you.

Friday, November 18, 2005

"The 25 Greatest Short Dudes of All Time"

Maxim magazine just released a list of "The 25 Greatest Short Dudes of All Time" in it's most recent issue. Angus Young (from AC/DC) and Spud Webb (pro basketball player) are number 1 and 2 on the list respectively.

Finally someone is standing up for the little guy... Literally. The magazine, claims to be helping women "begin a long overdue fight against their genetically determined shallowness when choosing a partner." Amen Maxim.

I got over being "the short guy" for the most part sometime around 3rd grade. It only bothered me once in a while in Jr. High & high school, and rarely in college. The one time it always bothers me however, is when I'm "playing the field" so to speak. In other words, whenever I've been trying to pickup chicks or woo a woman.

Biologically speaking, women are obviously attracted to the larger and more "genetically superior" men. It's actually quite mind boggling to see some girls go for some of these big muscular guys who are dumb as rocks and arrogant assholes when their dream guy is right in front of their eyes. But he's just too short or too skinny.

Chicks, man. I just don't get 'em.

Thursday, November 17, 2005


If you have a spare moment go check out Pretty neat idea that's related to my line of work. Sort of along the lines of Habitat for Humanity but they are using "Roadies" (that's right, those roadies) and other folks employed in technical fields in the entertainment industry to assemble prefab houses and other buildings quickly and efficiently.

Actually the concept makes quite a bit of sense. Roadies skill sets include, electrical, carpentry, structural, and quite a few other things that are related to building construction. Not to mention that Roadies are capable of assembling virtually anything in a very short period of time, anywhere in the world.

The project is currently setting up base camps in areas affected by the recent hurricanes and working along with FEMA and local laborers to get going on semi-permanent housing and medical facilities.

No Real Sports News?

Lately, it seems as though ESPN is scraping the bottom of the barrel for sports news. The T.O. vs. The Eagles controversy is all over the network, even though for the most part, it's over. If that's not evidence enough that ESPN is really hurting for some quality sports news, check out this story.

Last week the network staged "fake press conferences" where Steve Phillips, an ESPN analyst and former Mets general manager, played the role of several MLB teams real GM's and answered real questions with his "estimated guesses" on what each GM might actually say. Real ESPN baseball reporters were asking the questions in a room full of extras all waving their hands excitedly and snapping photos in a lame attempt to make it look like a real press conference. He played a new GM each night on the 10 pm Sportscenter, and the real anchors actually cut to the staged press conference as if it were actually live event.

This my friends, is not news. It's not even reality TV. It's on the same level as a soap opera, yet it's being played off as if people are actually interested. I saw the first fake conference at The Majestic (my friend Pete's bar for those of you who don't know) and everyone there was completely dumbfounded. Not as to whether or not it was real, we all knew it wasn't, but as to why in the hell they would attempt a stunt like this? Uber-lame guys. Worst attempt at content related sports reporting ever.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Cy Carpenter, MV-Pujols

Congrats to both Cardinals ace Chris Carpenter and demi-god slugger Albert Pujols! Carpenter won the National League Cy Young award, the first for a Cardinal since Bob Gibson won in 1970. Albert snagged NL MVP over Braves center fielder Andruw Jones (and rightly so I might add) in one of the closest MVP races ever. Something tells me that it won't be his last.

Monday, November 14, 2005

The Real Van Wilder

I'm sure most of you out there have either seen or heard of the movie National Lampoon's - "Van Wilder" starring the always slutty Tara Reid and the almost really funny Ryan Reynolds. Reynolds plays Van, a college senior in his 7th year who is the beloved "big man on campus" hosting parties galore, solving everyone's problems, and is generally well respected by the entire student body. Check out the full plot summary here if you are interested.

The movie of course is fiction... or is it? The University of Wisconsin has their own real life Van Wilder in the form of 12th year college senior Johnny Lechner. The odd thing is about the perpetual slacker, Lechner has parlayed his life as a perpetual student into a lucrative personal brand. He's currently recording his 5th CD, beginning his first of two books, preparing a graduation speech, and still finds time to party with his friends. He has been featured on various TV programs such as Late Night with David Letterman, Good Morning America, and Inside Edition. See the New York Times article here. The National Lampoon offered him a job after graduation, and to pick up the tab for Johnny's upcoming year of school and sponsor his graduation party.

Now I'm certainly not impressed by a 12th year undergrad, but unlike the fictional Van Wilder he's at least accomplished some things in his decade-plus in school. You can check out some of his accomplishments here at the bottom of the page.

I haven't been able to find any documentation that Lechner was the actual basis for Van Wilder, but they do bear a slight resemblance to each other:

Friday, November 11, 2005

Bond... Jeff Bond

You scored as James Bond, Agent 007.

James Bond is MI6's best agent, a suave, sophisticated super spy with charm, cunning, and a license's to kill. He doesn't care about rules or regulations and somewhat amoral. He does care about saving humanity though, as well as the beautiful women who fill his world. Bond has expensive tastes, a wide knowledge of many subjects, and his usually armed with a clever gadget and an appropriate one-liner.

James Bond, Agent 007


Neo, the "One"


Batman, the Dark Knight


The Amazing Spider-Man


El Zorro


The Terminator


Lara Croft


Indiana Jones




Captain Jack Sparrow


William Wallace


Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with

Stank Radar

Poop. We've all driven down those country highways and smelled it. The horribly unpleasant smells of horse, cow, and pig manure that seem to linger in your car's cabin long after you've passed the farms. Hopefully soon that experience will be nothing but a smelly bad memory.

It seems that scientists are working on a "Bad Smell Predictor", or as I've lovingly dubbed it "Poo-dar". The tool, which really incorporates nothing more than several math formulas and weather patterns, will attempt to predict where the stank from a farm will go and how far. They'll use factors such as wind patterns, climate, land formations, number of animals and how they are housed to help predict the stanky spots. Sounds like fun work.

Hehehe.... Poo-dar.

Just Strange Enough

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it!
How Weird Are You?

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Mad Math Skillz

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!
Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

Monday, November 07, 2005

End of an Era in STL

The best nightclub ever to sit on the western banks of the Mississippi River is now closed. The month of October marked the 10 year anniversary of Velvet, the standard for nightclubs in the Midwest. Unfortunately, their 10 year anniversary party would also be their swan song.

Washington Ave in St. Louis is now a bustling residential neighborhood with thousands of loft apartments and condominiums. Commercial properties are changing from nightclubs and warehouses to eateries and coffee houses and bookstores. Velvet, one of the original clubs on Washington in the very early days of the renovations, remained in the space as long as they could. But for a business that is only open from 9 pm - 3 am on Friday and Saturday nights, it's hard to pay the ever increasing rent. Ironically, the nightclub industry on Washington was one of the major factors in the area's turnaround.

Alas, I never got the chance to visit one last time and relive the great memories of the space. For those of you who shared in those, I thank thee. You'd better never forget them. Even those of you who didn't like "that type of music" or "this kind of bar", I know most of you had fun there, and held Velvet to a higher standard than the rest of the clubs.

For those of you who never got the chance to experience the best nightclub in the Midwest, visit their website while it is still operational, put on Mix 3 (on the radio player in the upper right), and go browse the sight and check out some of the picture galleries. The best music, best DJ's, best lights, best sound, best atmosphere, some of the coolest "club" people around, and always lots of fun. It's too bad you missed out. Farewell Velvet.

"Mmmm … beer."

Finally... justification for my mild alcoholic tendencies.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Baseball Trivia

Ran across a few good baseball trivia questions the other day. Here they are:

1. What is the minimum amount of pitches a starting pitcher can throw, pitch the whole game, and record the win? (Hint: It's not as easy as it sounds!)

2. How many different ways are there for a batter to reach first base? (Hint: This question is very debatable, but think of it from the perspective of the how you would write it in the scorebook.)

I'll give everyone a weekend (or more), and then post the answers.

Quick Hits

The weather is beautful here in the Lou, and with no cold air forecast in the near future I'm a happy fellow. Just how I like my November weather.

Hockey is back is full swing, and the Blues suck balls for the first time in 26 years. According to ESPN, we're dead last in the power rankings. Ouch!

Now there's a real good reason to call Denver, Colorado "The Mile High City". Voter's there made Dever the first major city in the country to make the possesion of small amounts of the sweet green leaves legal. Any thing less than an ounce is OK.

This is as close as I'll ever get to having a cat as a pet.

I must admit I was a bit choked up during the last game of the NLCS, which was the last game ever to be played at Busch Stadium. But this is just sad. I feel your pain guys, I just don't think you needed to share it with everyone.

Speaking of last games at Busch... Here's a picture of me and part of my crew at our last game at Busch on Friday, September 30. We got to see Pujols hit his 40th of the year, which was also his 200th career homer. Oh, and it was a grand slam.

Whaddya know? Liam shaved his, and I grew mine:

Here's an real cute story about a puppy who saves her owner's life. Odd thing is, the man had just rescued the dog from the pound only two weeks earlier. You can also check out the video of the story here.

And to finish this post off, a Bush joke:

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?" "Terrorists kidnapped President Bush and are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise they are going to douse him with gasoline and set him on fire. We are going from car to car taking up a collection."

The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving on average?"

"About a gallon."

Thursday, November 03, 2005

A Few Cardinals Thoughts

Matty Mo, Reggie, Abraham Nunez, Cal Eldred, Grudz, Einar Diaz, Al Reyes, and Tavarez have all filed for free agency. Mabry has yet to file. Ray King wants to be traded. Walker has retired, and the way things look will likely be replaced by Brian Giles. Suppan was resigned for $4 million (but could be used in an off-season trade).

Congrats to Jason Marquis (who won the Silver Slugger award for NL pitchers), Jim Edmonds (on his eighth Gold Glove), and Albert Pujols (who just took over the #1 spot in player rankings according to the Elias Sports Bureau.) I'll be looking forward to posting about Carpenter winning the Cy Young and Pujols winning MVP soon.

As far as what I'd like to see out of the off-season... I can't say that I'd like to change too much. I like Giles as a replacement for Walker. If Reggie goes elsewhere, I would probably look to a current Cardinal to fill the hole (Gall, Rodriguez, Taguchi) or maybe platoon the position based on the pitching, and relative defensive difficulty of that particular ballpark. If not, a free agent like a Jacque Jones (who the Cards have shown a slight interest in) might be effective (if he could only hit lefties better. That covers the OF.

I think the only question on the infield is at 2nd base. If Grudz stays, great. If not I wouldn't mind seeing Nunez fill the hole. He's got the skills defensively and his offensive productivity is similar to Grudz. We could also go with an affordable free agent like Tony Graffanino from the BoSox or a more seasoned veteran Ray Durham from San Fran. Even a decent free agent shortstop or utility guy could fill the hole (we're coming for you Rafael Furcal or Jose Vizcaino). Hey, Vina is a free agent as well. Too bad about his bum knee.

Starting pitching is next up. It was excellent this year, but in a division with Chicago and Houston, you could always use another top notch hurler. If Matty Mo heads elsewhere, the name AJ Burnett comes to mind. Pujols was courting him to come to St. Louis at one point this year from what I have heard. If Marquis or Suppan are traded, Anthony Reyes would be the front runner for the #5 spot. I wouldn't mind having another lefty in the rotation either. Mark Redman from the Pirates is a free agent and could potentially thrive here under the coaching of Duncan and the veteran leadership of the rest of the pitching staff.

The Bullpen is a big question mark in my opinion. King is gone, and Taverez looks to be headed that way as well. Cal Eldred is getting up there in years and is a free agent as well. Besides Al Reyes, the rest of the Bullpen is pretty shaky. We have plenty of young talent (Flores, Wainwright, Journell, Pearce) that could potentially fill the roles that we need provided that all have stellar seasons. Most of them are relatively un-proven though. I wouldn't mind adding at least one good veteran arm to the pen, preferably another lefty.

That's about it. We'll see what ol' Walt has up his sleeve this off-season and talk about it some more when the winter meetings are over with.

Until then, go to and vote for the "This Year in Baseball Awards". There are some nice Cardinal players and moments on there.

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