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Quarter Life Crisis

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Could You Pass 8th Grade in 1895?

8th Grade Final Exam: Salina, Kansas - 1895

This is the eighth-grade final exam* from 1895 from Salina, Kansas. It was taken
from the original document on file at the Smoky Valley Genealogical Society
and Library in Salina, Kansas and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

Grammar (Time, one hour)
1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters.
2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph.
4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb? Give Principal Parts of do, lie, lay and run.
5. Define Case, Illustrate each Case.
6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation.
7-10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time, 1.25 hours)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts. per bu, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $.20 per inch?
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance around which is 640 rods?
10.Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, and 1865?

Orthography (Time, one hour)
1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic orthography, etymology, syllabication?
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: Trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals?
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u'.
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e'. Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: Bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, super.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: Card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences, Cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10.Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)
1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of N.A.
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fermandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
7. Name all the republics of Europe and give capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10.Describe the movements of the earth. Give inclination of the earth.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Can it Get Any Worse?

Damn! How bad does a four game sweep suck against a division rival who still has a mathmatical chance of catching you and winning the division with one week left in the regular season? My vote is that it sucks really, really, really bad. Unacceptable. The bitter pesimistic side of me hopes we get swept by the Padres, and only win one against the Brewers and that Houston runs the table and catches us in the standings. I hate to say this but I would almost rather miss the playoffs than to get swept in embarrasing fashion in the first round on national televsion. Of course anything can happen in the playoffs.

Potentially Carp, Soup, and Reyes could come out and throw three gems and we could sweep the first series. Not very likely since we will almost certainly be playing the Mets (since Philly will make the wild card, and we will have the lowest record of any NL playoff team) and we won't have home field advantage.

I get to go to my last game of the year tonight. The mighty "Soup" pitches for us. Hopefully we can surge here in the last week and get into the first round with a bit of momentum. Something we haven't done the past two years.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Apparently, I Break Stuff

Last Thursday night while driving home, I rolled my window down so I could smoke a cig. A horrifying mechanical grind was the sound that eliminated from the drivers door followed by the sounds of crushing glass. Then my window fell about a foot and a half down into the door. FUCK! My drivers side window motor is now officially busted. It will move the window about an inch at a time and then starts making really bad noises. If you hold it too long it will reverse direction, meaning pressing down on the window button will actually cause it to start rolling up.

Friday morning when I got to work I decided to get rid of the scruff on my face using the trimmer blade on my electric razor. Halfway through the process the trimmer blade just flat out stopped, yanking out about 30 very coarse facial hairs in the process.

Just seconds later while trying to wash the hair out of the sink, I pulled the rotating head right off the faucet causing water to spray all over the bathroom.

Later in the day on Friday while trying to copy a DVD on our automated DVD / CD burner, I screwed up the robotics of the arm that lifts the discs from the blanks stack to the drive and then to the printer.

My brother thinks I may have developed a mutant power to disable electronic motors. I think maybe I should stay the hell away from important electronics for a while.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Evolution; Is There Still a Question?

So these two recent discoveries should pretty much wrap up that discussion don't you think?

Shark that walks on fins.

Oldest human fossil found.

I'm a Sucker...

... for "Grey's Anatomy". I'm not sure what it is about that show but I'm hooked. I know that shows like "Lost", "West Wing", and "24" are all great but I never got drawn into them the way I have with "Grey's Anatomy". Maybe it's because I don't watch all that much network TV. Oh well, the season premiere is tonight! Here's a sweet little Snow Patrol / Grey's Anatomy video montage that will get you caught up.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Good News for Geeks

You all know I'm a Tolkien geek, so I thought I'd post a few related items of interest.

1). Looks like they may make "The Hobbit" into a movie after all. Peter Jackson said he is down to direct.

2). Maybe by the time the movie comes out I'll be making enough money to live in "The Shire"!

3). Until then, I'll have to settle on going and seeing "Eragon", a new fantasy movie coming out in December. Based on a book written by a 15 year old boy (at the time) several years ago, it's apparently loosely based around Tolkien's vision of "pre-history".

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Silly Jokes

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man."

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls roving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"You've spent a day in hell and a day in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would ever have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I hink I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and cavoar, we drank champange, danced and had a great time . Now, there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable."

"What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says "Yesterday, we were campaigning."

"Today you voted."

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the low Country of South Carolina, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale - It's real.

This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a thunder storm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face.

Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly crept toward him and stopped. Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed the door, only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel. Then the car slowly started moving and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.

The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve. Still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and in the marsh and he would surely drown, when just before the curve, a hand appeared through the driver's window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend.

Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran to town. Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice wavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience.

A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth and as not just some drunk.

About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other: "Look Bubba, There's that idiot who rode in our car when we was pushin it in the rain."

Saturday, September 09, 2006

I Knew It Was Worthless

Ha! I knew it all along. Most homework is a fucking useless waste of time. I knew it by the time I was 9 or 10 years old that the bullshit busy work that most of my "teachers" sent home with me wasn't teaching me a God-damn thing. More importantly it was cutting into my mastery of the original Legend of Zelda game as well as my baseball practice time.

In all seriousness though, I stopped doing homework around that time pretty much for good. Other than major projects, (both group and individual) essays, and papers, I didn't do a lick of homework unless I absolutely had to - i.e., in classes where homework counted towards more than 25% of your grade. These were also the classes I tended to get the worst grades in oddly enough.

Somehow I made it all the way through Jr. high, high school, and college and barely ever cracked a book. I was still placed in accelerated courses going into both Jr. High and high school, still performed well on my standardized testing each year, got a 29 on my ACT, and a 1380 on my SAT, and graduated from college with a 3.4 GPA. All of this just by paying attention in class (except for Bonnie Gillham's) and absorbing the material that was presented too me.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Can You Pass "The Man Test"

Click here to take the concentration test for men

Whoa! New Blog Quizzes!

You Are a "Don't Tread On Me" Libertarian

You distrust the government, are fiercely independent, and don't belong in either party.
Religion and politics should never mix, in your opinion... and you feel opressed by both.
You don't want the government to cramp your self made style. Or anyone else's for that matter.
You're proud to say that you're pro-choice on absolutely everything!
What's Your Political Persuasion?

You Are 40% Obsessive

You tend to have a few obsessive thoughts, but you generally have them under control.
Sometimes your worries keep you up at night, though they usually don't interfere with your life.
How Obsessive Are You?

You Are 76% Open Minded

You are so open minded that your brain may have fallen out!
Well, not really. But you may be confused on where you stand.
You don't have a judgemental bone in your body, and you're very accepting.
You enjoy the best of every life philosophy, even if you sometimes contradict yourself.
How Open Minded Are You?

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict.
One moment you're in your own little happy universe...
And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!
What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

You Are 76% Gross

You're pretty dirty, and there's a good change you're living in a total dump.
And your body? Not too clean either. Watch out for killer bacteria, Pig Pen!
How Gross Are You?

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge.
In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead!
And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in.
Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.
How Sarcastic Are You?

Dude.. Jason... It's getting old.

Picture courtesy of Rina Wear.

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