So, yesterday I awoke around 8 AM to the sounds of mass hysteria and anger from my mom and brother coming from the upstairs. I thought someone might have broken or spilled something so I lazily rolled over and tried to go back to sleep for a few minutes. However, the panicked sounds continued and I heard the front door open and shut several times. So I decided to jump out of bed and see what the hell was the matter. I yelled upstairs to my brother and asked what was wrong. He replied in a somber voice of disbelief, "Dude, you're not gonna believe it... someone hit your car... again."

My response was an expected, "Are you fucking kidding me!". For those of you who don't know, on January 31, 1999 at around 9 AM (I remember because it was the Sunday after the Pope was here) my 1996 Honda Accord car was hit while parked in front of my house and came within $1000 dollars of being totalled. Now on January 30, 2006 at 8 AM (almost 7 years to the day and hour!) my car was struck while parked in front of my house AGAIN!. It looks too be about the same amount of damage too, relatively speaking.

Other strange coincidences: the car was struck in the exact same spot on the pavement, the car was hit at the same point on the car, the car was moved approximately the same distance both times, the drivers were both males under the age of 20 that attend (or attended) Parkway South, both cars were white sedans, both drivers broke their front axle and were unable to leave the scene, both cars flattened their passenger-side front tire, both mornings were extremely sunny and almost the same time of day.

Back to the story...

I've gathered by now that my brother is serious and my car once again has been hit WHILE FUCKING PARKED!! I'm far too pissed to go outside for fear I would beat the fucking shit out of this kid. So I hit the shower to wake up and settle down a bit.

By the time I was out of the shower, the police officer (who happened to be a "supreme dick" as my bro stated) had already come to file the report and had left. BTW, this guy wrote down the color of my car as "RED" and when called on it said, "Oh, I guess I wasn't paying attention." Hey officer what color was the guy who robbed the bank? "Uhh, I think.. uh, he musta been black." Top notch police work Matlock.

Here's the kid's apparent explanation as to why he hit my PARKED car:

He didn't scrape all the frost off his window and was going about 37 in a 25. Fucking lame dude. You put me out and caused thousands of dollars damage to my car cause your late ass was too lazy to scrape your window and not speed in a school zone?!? Punk-ass-bitch!

After his mommy and daddy showed up to take care of things for him and his car was towed from the scene, I was dressed and ready to survey the damage. Most of the rear drivers side of my car is gone all the way up to the gas tank. It now resides in my trashcan in my garage. The rest of that is smashed into the trunk a bit. There are dents and a huge scrape all the rest of the way down my drivers side up to the mirror. The right rear wheel has been bent inward which probably indicates serious axle damage. That's most of it. The rest is shit like the trunk being deformed, and I'm sure my back door on that side won't close properly.

Obviously it's not drive-able and still sits in front of my house right now due to the fact that insurance companies are slow to do anything that doesn't involve them receiving money. By my reckoning, I should have had a damn rental car at my door in 30 minutes after the accident. It's 33 hours later and I've heard no word on a rental car yet. If I don't have one by the morning, I'll be taking a limo to work tomorrow and sending them the fucking bill.

So for the record, since January of 1999 the following have happened to my car, none of which were really my fault:

- January 1999: car hit while parked, first time

- October 2000: hit a deer that ran right in front of my car

- December 2000: a deer actually ran into my drivers window

- December 2002: woman in an SUV turns left on a green yield in front of me, I have a green straight arrow and the right of way, I T-Bone her and dent her door, my Accord is totalled... the day after Christmas.

- April 2004: I'm sideswiped by a drunk driver at 3:00 AM on the highway. Dents and scrapes are a result. I call in the LP # and they catch him down the highway. He is an illegal immigrant from Mexico with no license or insurance.

- December 2004: My car is broken into while parked at work late at night, all my Cd's most of my Christmas presents (including unspent gift cards) were stolen along with several other expensive possessions... Oh this was on Christmas eve too. I missed the deadline for the insurance paperwork and received no compensation for any of this. They were not going to cover the $4000 of Cd's that were stolen anyway.

- January 2006: See above

I think I'm gonna just buy a fuckin bike.

I'll update as more developments, information, or pictures become available.

- these thoughts flowed through Jeff's fingers @ 2:17 PM