Ever since I really got into music back when I was a junior in high school, I've not-so-secretly wanted to be a rock star. I know now that the odds of that happening are slim to none, and that's OK. But eight or nine years ago when I was a starry eyed Audio Production major playing in a good band, that dream didn't seem so impossible. Years later after drummers that moved to LA, a failed debut recording project that never even made it to overdubs, missing band practices, and just being plain lazy I was burnt out and essentially gave up on music. Other things just became more important; finishing school, finding a job, pulling myself out of a two year long depression, getting out of debt.

Mind you this was also in the midst of a slew of horrible music that was being released to the general public and even finding a good new record to pickup was a chore. I wasn't confident in my playing ability or my songwriting ability and even my voice (which I was always knew was good) was battling adult onset asthma and chronic bronchitis. I set down my guitar around 5 years ago now and other the occasional strum or two for nostalgia's sake I haven't picked it up since (other than for a brief stint in Nick's basement).

Lately I've been hearing a lot of decent new music both on the radio and some that is less than mainstream. Let's say I've been inspired. Things have settled down a bit in my life and I've been getting the itch to do something besides sit in a bar and waste my time away. So the time has come again for me to start doing what I always wanted to do. I'm dusting off the guitars and taking them in for some work and after that it's back to practicing at least 8 hours a week.

Like I said I haven't played in forever so this will take some work, but I'm saddened already that I've missed out on several of the best years of my life that could have been better spent playing music. I want to play music with other people again; smoke a joint and just jam for 4 hours. I want to play music for other people again, even if it's just 5 people staying late down at the Majestic or 30 people at a coffee house.

One of the absolute best moments of my entire life was about a decade ago in Pete's basement. A huge party with about 200 people in attendance. Our band (the Awegazes) were playing that night. The cops had already been called and we knew it was time to cut the set short so we decided to go straight to our closer, Pink Floyd's "Time". Jess, the brains behind our band and the front man said his voice was going sore and asked if I wanted to sing it. Of course I said yes and stepped up to the mic. We nailed the song and for one brief moment in my life I felt like a rock star. During the song, I looked out at a crowd of people who had been mostly uninterested with our performance of original material to find that people were at the front of the stage singing along with fists in the air and smiles on their faces. There's an image stuck in my head of my brother, my girlfriend, and all my best friends smiling and singing back at me. In my head it constantly plays in slow motion like the final scene of a movie.

I don't want the movie to be over yet...

Labels: music

- these thoughts flowed through Jeff's fingers @ 3:21 PM