I was watching Monday Night Football the other night when I again noticed something that had been bothering me for quite a while. John Madden. Captain Obvious. If you know anything about football, you know who John Madden is. One of the most respected announcers in the game of football and former coach of the Raiders. The thing is, what the hell makes him such a good announcer? I'm sure he knows the game of football inside and out, but he sure doesn't show it. Next time you watch Monday Night Football listen to his commentary, it goes something like this......

"You can't count that as a catch if the receiver doesn't have the ball"
"This team is going to have to play good offense and defense in order to win the game"
"They're down by a touchdown, a field goal is no help here"
"It's fourth down, if they don't get a first down here, they're gonna turn the ball over to the other team"
"That tripping penalty is going to cost the team some yardage"

Really John? You don't say. Man I wasn't quite sure about that but now I know. Thanks Mr. Madden. Those are what I like to call "Maddenisms". Overstating the obvious. I think I am going to start applying the John Madden philosophy of announcing to my everyday speech patterns. It might sound something like this......

"I need to put some gas in my car, because without gas, my car isn't going to go anywhere."
"I'm starting to feel intoxicated, if I drink 6 more beers I may end up becoming drunk."
"Boys have a penis, and girls, well they have a vagina"
"If I shoot this man in the foot with my shotgun, he will most likely feel intense pain and will not be happy with me."

Man that would be some entertaining dialogue.

- these thoughts flowed through Jeff's fingers @ 11:53 AM