BUSH IN HELL

One day far in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got some folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.

"I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Bush thought that sounded pretty good so the devil opened the first room.

In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Richard Nixon with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle position. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Bush took in disbelief and finally said, "Yea, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go."


THE PRESIDENTS OF OZ

Four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they whirled to OZ. They finally make it to the Emerald City and came before the Great Wizard.

"What brings you before the great wizard of Oz?"

Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly: "I've come for some courage."

"No problem!" says the Wizard. "Who is next?"

Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well........., I.......I think I need a heart."

"Done," says the Wizard. "Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?"

Up stepped George Bush sadly and said, "I'm told by the American people that I need a brain."

"No problem!" says the Wizard. "Consider it done."

There is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there,looking around, but doesn't say a word.

Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "What do you want?"

Clinton replies, "I just wanted to know if Dorothy was here."

- these thoughts flowed through Jeff's fingers @ 12:17 PM